The General Election, June 8th 2017 – A party political broadcast on behalf of the
Self Serving Bastards party

Hello. We at the SSB party just want to assure everyone that despite all the rhetoric, bullshit, lies and garrulous mutterings, there will be no change for our society on the horizon. We will continue to fleece and rob the common man ( and woman ) of every penny they have, to share with our rich sponsors. At the same time, we will run the NHS into the ground, and continue to dismantle what little manufacturing industry still remains in this country. We will ensure that our public transport system is the worst in the world this side of Mumbai and make the elderly and vulnerable suffer the most.

We’ll continue to allow the big pharmaceutical companies to charge extortionate amounts of money for drugs that cost next to nothing to manufacture, so that whilst you’re dying we can continue to steal every last cent from you. We’ll also continue to maintain that recreational drugs be illegal and allow our friends in organised crime to reap huge profits as a result. We’ll encourage prejudice against women, anyone who’s skin isn’t white, the poor, the disabled and anyone else who isn’t like us.

We’ll continue to make sure that your food is pumped full of chemicals that will make you sick, fat and ultimately dead. We’ll continue to allow tobacco containing numerous chemicals which cause Cancer to be sold freely whilst continuing to demonise and illegalise Marijuana. We’ll continue to generate power via non sustainable means, whilst denying how polluted our planet is. Our complete degeneration of the education system will continue, ensuring only the very rich get an education anywhere near adequate. We won’t build any new houses ( even tho we’ll say we will ) thus ensuring the housing market will continue to boom, thereby further lining our pockets with the housing benefit you’re obliged to claim and ultimately pay for.

We’ll continue to raise the tax on alcohol so that the little comfort the common man has drains him further financially. We’ll raise council tax substantially, whilst restricting care for the elderly and infirm. We’ll make certain our infrastructures are completely inadequate,  but give ourselves millions in expenses. We’ll offer no help to the homeless and destitute, whilst we hand our German friends in Pall Mall hundreds of millions to refurbish their palace. We’ll also deny the coming few generations any chance of employment, financial security or a roof over their heads, then we’ll manufacture your consent to demonise them too, with Mr Murdoch’s help, of course.

We’ll continue to sanitise and neuter English culture, and we’ll promote the bland whilst denying truly creative people any voice. We’ll manufacture your love of inane and totally superfluous media, and further utilise television and the internet to brainwash the masses.

Oh and please don’t worry about tearing yourself away from the telly to vote: we’ve already bought and paid for our next ten years in power, and there’s little you can do about it……

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