Terence’s adventures on the Iberian Peninsula part one: Paradis……

 

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Inspired by my old mate Cabbie Mick, and given much encouragement by my dear friend Al Wall, I decided to take a trip to southern Spain. It’s been at least 10 years since I travelled alone, so initially the thought was pretty terrifying, but Al gave me much encouragement and allayed a lot of my fears. I used to love travelling alone back and forth from Miami ( which I did at least a half dozen times ) and I always made a new acquaintance and had some sort of fun. I decided to channel my old self, and as it happened, it worked a treat……

Cabbie told me I should try my hand at getting gigs in Benidorm. And before anyone says “Benidorm, yuk!”, it may have escaped most people’s attention in this part of Blighty, but live music is officially DEAD here, at least on a grass roots, local level, the staple for musos like me. Yup, all you people that promised so many times you”d come to my gigs, well guess what? You didn’t use it, so you lose it. It’s amazing the excuses people give for not attending my gigs: “I was all ready to come and see you, so I let the cat out, and whilst I was in the garden I looked at the shed and realised it could do with a couple of coats of creosote. By the time I’d finished 2 sides ( under flood lights no doubt ) it was 10 o’clock and I figured it wasn’t really worth going out at that point”, or “The 25th? Bloody typical, that’s the night we’re getting the goat shaved!”

I guess there are 2 remaining venues in Maldon, the Queen Victoria, in Spital road ( my next gig there is on new year’s eve ) and the Sunny Banana, or the Sunny Sausage, or whatever the Welcome Sailor calls it’s self nowadays. As far as I’m aware, they only have “folk nights” on a Sunday night, from time to time. But with an admission price of £14, I guess your average punter probably politely tells them to “folk off”, tho’ I stand to be corrected.

 

View from Blue Sence by Tev 2016

 

As luck would have it, the best price for a hotel I could find close to the “Dorm” was in a small village called Paradis, about 3 kilometres from Villajoyosa, which is about 6 kilometres from Benidorm. As far as I could ascertain, Paradis consists of 2 beach side hotels, a shed load of luxury villas, a gas station, a restaurant, a tram stop and what the Merry-cans would call a roadhouse bar, jauntily called “the Pole position”. That gas station was an oasis on my first day there, a chance to buy some food and vino without going downtown.

Villajoyosa isn’t at all tourist oriented, it’s very Spanish, but it has every facility one could possibly need: supermacados, great restaurants and interesting and cranky shops. I spent a lot of time downtown, eating my own body weight in great food and attempting to reduce that dreadful “wine mountain” that the EU managed to accrue some years ago…..

There’s a maze of back streets in town and I probably only covered a quarter or less. I got my head around the buses and trams 2 days into my visit, with the help of a delicious señorita on reception called Christina: she printed out all the relevant timetables and spoke really good English. She literally was heaven sent……

The Hotel Bluesense is located in a valley between 2 mountains. I guess they levelled a square mile of an area 50 metres from the beach. Every room faces the ocean. Initially I had a room on the eighth floor with 2 huge windows and the fantastic view you see above. But 4 days into my stay, I had to move to a studio apartment ( more about that later ) which had a balcony facing the ocean, on the fifth floor. The beach, a mere 200 metres from the hotel, was a private cove: I never saw more than 20 people there, and most of them were woman. And most of them had forgotten to pack their bikini top……

( A word about boobies/tits/baps, or whatever you’d like to call them: I remain utterly fascinated by these appendages. I simply can’t get bored with boobies, perhaps one day the novelty will wear off. Thankfully, at that point, I’ll be dead )

 

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I understand why the indigenous residents from days long passed named this place Paradis: the beach is absolutely beautiful, the ocean is warm and inviting, and sometimes the surf is significant enough to have fun on a body board. The breeze was always warm and smelt almost as good as the delicious Spanish food I devoured in Villajoyosa. And there were beautiful dark mountains surrounding us.

Sometimes I looked out to the east, towards the Middle East, and briefly wondered what horrors were being committed in the name of religion there. But mostly I simply didn’t give a fuck : those brainwashed fools will never know God or the true beauty of life. Amen to that. And in a stoned, lighter moment, inspired by my new bud Tony, who was unreasonably obsessed by his ipad: do iphones in Syria have Siri? And if they do, is Siri a Syrian? Answers on a knotted hanky please……

So anyway, based in Paradise, surrounded by topless women, the temperature a fabulous 28 degrees, suddenly life seemed to take on great meaning and serenity…….and then, Benidorm!!!

5 Responses to “Terence’s adventures on the Iberian Peninsula part one: Paradis……”

  1. Sounds delicious, lets have some more mate. I’m looking at April for the next book by the way.

  2. Great news about the next book mate, very much look forward to……

  3. Hi there, what a fab adventure you’re having. I love how you describe things, very entertaining xx

  4. Wow Terry seems like you had a great time, and as always….you make me smile

  5. I was just settling down into that when you came to an abrupt halt!
    You have an amazing way with words Terry and I have chuckled at your honesty.
    Looking forward to the next instalment. x

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