Here’s the news……permanently!


A mad person with a gun has killed a number of men/women/children ( delete where applicable ) at a school in America. This is mostly down to the psychosis caused by modern life, but also by serious greed on behalf of the arms dealers/weapons industry. Totally outdated and irrational gun laws play a major part too



A group of radical extremist ( insert demonised religious group ) have killed/tortured/maimed/crucified/raped a sect of completely innocent men, women and children, somewhere in that dark corner of the Middle East, the fertile crescent. This is a result of the USA arming some of the most mentally unstable ruthless murderers for their own ends: Oil/Minerals/Heroin – delete where appropriate ( Spose we’d best mention those greedy arms dealers again, oh and Dick Cheney’s Haliburton, the US oil field contractors, who have made $39.5 billion thus far from the Iraq war )



A Mother has pleaded not guilty to killing her infant, claiming diminished responsibility. The judge said the Mother was of previously good character, and that he did not want the trial to turn into a forum in the media on the conduct of the health professionals involved. This dreadful scenario is in part also caused by the insanity of modern life, but greatly assisted by a social service system that’s more concerned with it’s public image and it’s pension than the people it serves, and a government that’s resentful towards people who don’t fit their consumerist archetype



A dreadfully serious disease, which can make you bleed from the ass/eyes/penis ( delete where applicable ), is tearing it’s way through darkest Africa, in fact almost all Africans have it. We’re all going to die, because “they” can’t find an antidote even tho “they” made the virus in a lab.  ( At least the American government has got lots of boxes for our bodies )



A famous and frankly brilliant footballer from Finland has just signed to Blackburn Rovers for £700,000,000. That’s a million pounds a minute for the next 5 years. Unfortunately whilst training, he broke an eyelash. Coaches say he’s unlikely to be match fit until 2016.


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And finally the weather: generally shite if you live in the UK, the rest of the world, warm and sunny……


4 Responses to “Here’s the news……permanently!”

  1. Yeah, right on. I must say it’s getting harder all the time to think about something wholesome when I get tucked up in bed at night. Perhaps someone-perhaps YOU should start a “good news” show service to cheer everyone up.

  2. I feel the same way mate, there’s always something grotesque in the news to disturb us, and yeah that kind of dreadful pollution comes to mind when I’m laying in bed, attempting sleep.

    Perhaps when our evil system is falling, in a totally non violent way, we’ll have much good news to report……

  3. I could hardly believe my eyes when I looked at the BBC world news site this morning. I began to worry I’d finally developed the power of cognition. Another mass shooting in America, another particularly hideous atrocity by the Taliban in Pakistan, more children murdered and abused, frankly I felt sick.
    Sadly I haven’t developed psychic powers, I had to remind myself that that was the point of my blog: day in, day out, the news is always the same.

    The American government believes the constitution to be more sacred and precious than life it’s self, so be it. When your children are murdered then I’ll remind you, hey, you wanted the constitutional right to bear arms! oh but not against you or your family you say? well tough shit buddy, welcome to the Land of the Free, check your brain at the door…..

    Good taste prevented me from a news spoof on child sexual abuse. I find it so utterly obscene I simply can’t read about the latest grotesque crime, but suffice to say, if the “revelation” concerning child abuse in the upper echelons of government are true, let’s hope the resultant shit storm finally brings the political system in this country to it’s knees, and the population of this country to it’s senses. The ruling classes are for the most part criminals and perverts, interested only in money and themselves, full stop. We are but shit on their shoes, and woe betide we interfere with their slavish scramble to grasp more money and power.
    I’ve always hated thinking of my fellow human beings as stupid, mostly out of respect, but also because I was called a “daw” many times when I was a child, as a result of my deafness. But sadly as I get older I realise there’s a veritable army of fuck wits out there in our society, and most of them are in parliament.

    As for the Taliban in Pakistan, I’d like to ask them if they really believe murdering children will further their cause? Because if they do, they’re simply confirming the world’s view that they are criminally insane. In my copy of the Koran, it says “Be afraid of Allah, and be just to your children”. These are supposedly the words of Muhammad, who also said “take not life, which God hath made sacred”, and “if any one slew a person it would be as if he slew the whole people”
    This slaughter is a unique opportunity for the Islamic community across the world to show solidarity, and a united front against the terrorists and Jihadists. And I fear if they don’t, they will be forever demonalized and marginalised as the faith that endorses terrorism and the slaughter of innocents.

    To finish, there’s a “what if” angle to the Pakistan slaughter. What if it wasn’t the Taliban? What if it was a far more insidious organisation, hell bent on destroying the Taliban’s grip in Pakistan? After all, it’s common knowledge that up until recently the Pakistani army supported several terrorist organisations, both in Pakistan and Afghanistan, to assist in policing certain borders against what they saw as the threat from India. In light of improved relations with the US, and indeed financial help from the Americans, perhaps someone saw fit to demonize this particular branch of the Taliban, so that Pakistan can use the shift in public opinion to take back all of it’s territories? I’ll guess we’ll never really know, but there’s one thing we can be certain of: the Taliban that ordered this hideous crime against humanity will be hunted to extinction and rightly so

  4. Oh, and there’s more: there’s a common factor in most of the dreadful news stories we hear nowadays, weapons. And if we take a long hard look, it becomes obvious the weapons industry ( and it’s numerous spin offs ) greatly assists the continuation of the capitalist system, and makes our ruling classes ever more obscenely rich. Every body should begin to ask themselves, do the arms industry give a fuck about anything other than profit? I think not. These people are responsible for the majority of evil committed on our planet

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